12.8.13 MONDAY(16 days to trials)

hmm .. before anything .. i hope u can listen to this song while you are reading it ... :) i wanna be with you - 徐婕兒 (i like this song very much) today finally we get to talk a little while longer .. after so many days ... i know you didn't feel good , i also know everything i'd done to you really hurts you a lot more than i can ever imagine .. so actually , if you are to leave .. i'm not at all surprise .. your tears .. had fallen too much .. because of me .. a couple is not suppose to let each other tear so much ... the truth is .. I still do .. ly.. maybe you would think i chose my family and friends over you , maybe that's the surface of it .. but deep down .. you should know i'm with you .. but it's a fact that i chose them .. and this fact made you cry over yourself plenty nights to sleep...i'm truly sorry .. sometimes , i wish that you never know me .... so that you wouldn't have to go through so much pain .... tears...thank you so much .. for the toleration .. for the love you gave me .. forgive my selfishness .. though i know that we couldn't be together forever , but i still want to hold on to you with everything i have with everything i can .... maybe you would leave me first , i don't know .. just by thinking bout it ... my tears are already fighting to roll down across my face .... i can never imagine when the day really arrived .. i wouldn't want to as well... allow me .. to love you with all that i can ... even for just a little while more .. i had tuition for approximately 3 hours .. the other hours of the day , i was just slacking and wasting time . i didn't feel like doing anything .. my eye hurts ... my heart hurts ... from the pain i inflicted on you .... from the tears .. i couldn't stand anymore .... i'm actually quite touch that you'd been counting everyday .... the days that i hadn't been talking to you .. tell me babe.. how can i leave you with all these.... the moment i started talking to you , water fighting to came out of my eyes finally rolled down my face .. the whole long talk with you .. i couldn't actually stop the "water tap" from flowing out ! you really didn't feel like talking to me , i know that and what you are waiting is just my comfort . i didn't do it . i didn't know how to do it ... im sorry .. suppose to be writing bout my day... turn out to be ... YOU again .. :)? :/ sigh .. i'd wasted a lot of time ... i really want to get good results .. give myself a last push before exam... really .. but i just couldn't ... there's just too much distractions .. too much desperation .. please ... make tomorrow a better day :) oh ya .. mr lai .. thank you for everything you'd done for me ... to me , you are really a very good friend . A friend who tries his best to care and share . Thank u . :)

10.8.13 (SATURDAY)

it feels like another inefficient day :( i couldn't buckle myself up and study .. everything didn't seems like it's working out very well .. i don't know who i should talk to , it seemed like there's really no one that can understand what kind of complication that i'm encountering, especially my feelings ..it's indescribable.. i'm so down .. i'm so dull ... gosh .. what kind of feeling is this ??!! it's already unbearable >< GOD .. BUDDHA ... or what ever .. please .. save me >< i know there isn't much time left till it's trials .. and i NEED THE RESULTS to be able to get into good college ... but the situation now didn't seems like it's gonna work >< OMG .. what should i do man !!?? there's dinner tonight again >< "mother's birthday celebration" but then tomorrow is only the real date .. tonight cant study .. tomorrow can't study ... omg .. what should i do .. my head is pounding ><"""" yet , you didn't want to talk to me .. my mood stinks even more >< ARGH !! my head hurts... feel so much like sinking into my bed .. never again need to face those YUCKY stuff :( well, at lease sleeping allows me to escape from it a little while .. my head hurts... i didn't sleep well yesterday ... or i suppose i couldn't sleep .. today is just a bad day ... MUSIC .. might be the only thing that can make me feel a little better .. :)? sigh..

Friday (9.8.13) 2.50am

Hmm .. Time flies , half of my holidays have already gone . I realized I haven been doing much of revision :( all the plans were kept being procrastinated :( Supposedly 3 chapters a day :( but then ... Seems like no hope >< I only did 2 chap of chemistry and that's it .sigh ... Tmr ! Please be good to me :( I had encountered another incident .. We fought again , not exactly argue but then I broke your heart ... By telling you the truth .. By telling you how of a selfish person I am . Due to the guilt of lying to my mother i had done an obligation which was the "way " it is now .. I always disappoint you when im playing a role of a gf . Maybe we don't really meant to be ... Maybe I should really consider letting you go ... Well if u mean this seriously ... As in you think I'd hurt you so much by just using the only way to make my conscience feel a little bit better , I think you had really leave me no choice ... I'll do it .. But what makes it contradicting is that , I know I couldn't .... I couldn't let go of you .... You simply seemed ... Too important ... But what upset me is that you kept emphasizing that you are somewhat a rubbish / some other ugly names that suppose "people " gave you . It's not true ... I don't know how can I make you believe that you actually meant something to me and its definitely not like their horrible description .... Sigh ... Life is just hard ... To be managed... To be always in good condition ><

Just another memorable day :)

it'd been a long time since i last updated my blog. but don't know why i suddenly feel so much like writing here. Recently , i was crazy over this song " irresistible - 1D " well, to be honest i'm not a directioner but this song just make me feel so comfortable just by listening to it. I just came back from lunch and OH MY GOD ! guess what i saw??! hmm, not to say that it's actually a monster that everyone should make a big deal out of it but still omg! he was so amazing ! especially his smile , that big eyes and cute dimples he has on his face! He's seriously a guy that i kinda have some feelings after i met you ... sadly , he kept going onto his phone. perhaps he already has a girlfriend? well, if this is the case then i'd wish him all the best :) but i do believe in fate ,

<3 If you are meant to be , you will be <3

hmm , i guess if we are meant to be , we'll meet again ? and maybe this time i'll get to know his name :) it's gonna make my day (8.8.2o13) a day to be remembered :) it's the first day he and i met and he wore a grey-ish top with the word (ONE PIECE)and a shorts with grey and white stripes it's cute :) he caught my eye and i believe he'd noticed that . if i'm not mistaken i did catch a few glances from him and i think we look into each other's eye for .. a second maybe? that was super mega amazing !i was actually quite happy that he actually adjusted his way of sitting in a way that's half-ly facing me (if i didn't mistook his intention )but.. sadly it didn't last till the end of the meal. when it was 10 minutes before i was about to leave , he turned to face the other side . maybe he'd finally realized that i'm not really that pretty to be looked at or maybe i'm not really that "attractive"? i don't know .. but the funny thing is that crazy thoughts actually flashed across my mind and he really wouldn't wanna know bout it :P that's all i'm gonna comment bout him today.. but let me give him a name ?hmmmm, what about... Mr.cutie pie? haha .. well i think it fits him well :) it's really a sad thing that i couldn't be with you .You might still not know that we technically broke up , i mean not to say i don't love you . I DO! and you should never even questioned it ! but there just seems like there's too much obstacles between us and what makes it worst is your attitude towards this relationship - not appreciative at all... I'd always tried my best to love you and make you feel like you are not alone , but every time my effort sure will be gone and it always ended up in a way that you became emo or sensitive .To me , you truly are important but i don't know whether still i should hold on to it anymore . You have always been very greedy , demanding more when you've already got many . it's like i can never satisfy you .i would'nt say to break up with you instantly .i'll just leave it .. leave you a side .. maybe for just a little while to see how things go.. maybe you'd moved on as well?

星期四&不一样的星期五

今天本来以为可以在不远处听到你的声音已经是很幸运的了，但没想到今天也是你第一次对我说话。我还记得你说了：＂这个你有用到吗？＂这是好的开始的预兆吗？hmmm:) 今天你模仿了我说话，好难相信哦！x} 不过我想过了今天，跟你之间的联系应该就此结束了吧？毕竟，明天就是Bari sukan, 所做的一切过了明天就正式成为历史了哦~看到你跟她幸福，我也是开心的：） 今天我真正认识了我们KUNING captain ! 不妨告诉你，其实之前我觉得你蛮可爱的，今天认识了你更让我肯定了。哈哈：） 我们日后会做好朋友吗？ Yuhang!!! Haha 只有一句话我能形容你，你，超级搞笑！！！哈哈哈！跟你一起出去一路上以为会尴尬怎知你的＂幽默感＂居然会让我觉得很自在，虽然你是废了点，但无可否认我是很高兴认识你的：） X,你这么做是代表你在意吗？ 陈苑晴！你是怎么了？怎么会变得越来越花心？:( 你带地喜欢谁？

多事的星期三

现在已经将近凌晨4点了，我才刚刚躺在床上，我好累。今天本来以为交了一个我费了很多心思做的NIE project,我可以撇开一些烦恼，休息休息。怎知，xx ......都是你让我接了个这样的工作，DECO.I'm happy in a way that the heads of the house finally noticed me , but 我的代价就是牺牲睡眠。值不值得我是真的不知道，但开心的应该就只是因为终于有人赏识我了！今天在帮忙的时候，我又看见你了，说真的我看了你四年，改变的就只有你长得高了，成熟了些。现在你应该是跟她在一起的吧？我只能说你很会选，因为我知道如果他决心瘦下来，绝对是个大美女，而我根本不算什么。:) 知道我为什么放笑脸吗？因为大家开心就好，我也不想奢求什么， 所以就只希望你的她不要对我那么介意，毕竟我们常对望而却一句话也没说过，连什么普通朋友也称不上，所以你觉得我还能要求些什么呢？唯一想的应该就只是交个朋友吧！：） 依晴我很喜欢你的朋友哦！不瞒你说其实我初一就觉得她很美，很帅气，真没想过你居然跟她那么熟？这世界真小！：）xx,你今天所说的只能证明一件事，你一直以来都在注意着我的事。其实既然是这样你又何必捏造这么多故事来唱我呢？男孩心难解，我真的不明白咯！今天派成绩，21名，我满意了。但还是希望可以在进步！:D 哦跟自己做了个约定，我一定一定不可以拿最后！！ AWFM:这世界真小，所以做的所有事都一定要对得起良心 好了，我睡了，太累了，待会儿将会很忙很忙，真的很忙:/ 加油吧！：）

我回来了！:D

看回自己所写下的篇章急心得报告，感觉很不同了。回想了很多事，记起了很多被遗忘了的回忆。感触还蛮多的... 也其实没想过自己以前居然会写这样的东西。或许是隔太久了吧？所以感觉有点不一样了。 今年我十六了，想想之前最后一次写篇章也是三年前的事了。这三年内，我长大了吗？ 或许一点吧~ 今天我要写的东西太多了，但我决定从今以后我会开始写回些心得与心情分享。 谈谈今天吧~第一样我要投诉的是，我的脚很痛，很酸，很累T.T 其实每个星期六对我来说都是很轻松的，因为我不用跳这么多，但是就是因为教跳舞，弄到我非常累。该怎么形容呢？是文字没办法完全表达的吧？就好像去工作了一整天，但是比那还要累的很多很多倍，更不用说跳了后的感觉了。给她讲:y u so stupid one ? Bend your back !!! I bet ... U r the slowest learner or forward over . No offense .. 我超不爽的！但不用紧，我一定可以练到的！妈妈今天说了一句话，我觉得特别有道理，其实一个人不管你的身份，地位，权力再怎么高，再怎么厉害，说话的方式没有文化，一切还是等于零。用我的字句来说呢，就是欠扁！ 哈哈哈 今天跳了很长一段时间的舞，腿都快软掉了，现在躺在床上的感觉舒服多了！:) 不知觉的我的周末就这样结束了，很难过，明天又要上课；同时也很开心，因为明天不用跳舞！那累死人的运动。这次的成绩还蛮烂的:/看来我真的真的不能松懈，要很努力，才行！加油吧！明天就开始！:)