12.8.13 MONDAY(16 days to trials)

hmm .. before anything .. i hope u can listen to this song while you are reading it ... :) i wanna be with you - 徐婕兒 (i like this song very much) today finally we get to talk a little while longer .. after so many days ... i know you didn't feel good , i also know everything i'd done to you really hurts you a lot more than i can ever imagine .. so actually , if you are to leave .. i'm not at all surprise .. your tears .. had fallen too much .. because of me .. a couple is not suppose to let each other tear so much ... the truth is .. I still do .. ly.. maybe you would think i chose my family and friends over you , maybe that's the surface of it .. but deep down .. you should know i'm with you .. but it's a fact that i chose them .. and this fact made you cry over yourself plenty nights to sleep...i'm truly sorry .. sometimes , i wish that you never know me .... so that you wouldn't have to go through so much pain .... tears...thank you so much .. for the toleration .. for the love you gave me .. forgive my selfishness .. though i know that we couldn't be together forever , but i still want to hold on to you with everything i have with everything i can .... maybe you would leave me first , i don't know .. just by thinking bout it ... my tears are already fighting to roll down across my face .... i can never imagine when the day really arrived .. i wouldn't want to as well... allow me .. to love you with all that i can ... even for just a little while more .. i had tuition for approximately 3 hours .. the other hours of the day , i was just slacking and wasting time . i didn't feel like doing anything .. my eye hurts ... my heart hurts ... from the pain i inflicted on you .... from the tears .. i couldn't stand anymore .... i'm actually quite touch that you'd been counting everyday .... the days that i hadn't been talking to you .. tell me babe.. how can i leave you with all these.... the moment i started talking to you , water fighting to came out of my eyes finally rolled down my face .. the whole long talk with you .. i couldn't actually stop the "water tap" from flowing out ! you really didn't feel like talking to me , i know that and what you are waiting is just my comfort . i didn't do it . i didn't know how to do it ... im sorry .. suppose to be writing bout my day... turn out to be ... YOU again .. :)? :/ sigh .. i'd wasted a lot of time ... i really want to get good results .. give myself a last push before exam... really .. but i just couldn't ... there's just too much distractions .. too much desperation .. please ... make tomorrow a better day :) oh ya .. mr lai .. thank you for everything you'd done for me ... to me , you are really a very good friend . A friend who tries his best to care and share . Thank u . :)

10.8.13 (SATURDAY)

it feels like another inefficient day :( i couldn't buckle myself up and study .. everything didn't seems like it's working out very well .. i don't know who i should talk to , it seemed like there's really no one that can understand what kind of complication that i'm encountering, especially my feelings ..it's indescribable.. i'm so down .. i'm so dull ... gosh .. what kind of feeling is this ??!! it's already unbearable >< GOD .. BUDDHA ... or what ever .. please .. save me >< i know there isn't much time left till it's trials .. and i NEED THE RESULTS to be able to get into good college ... but the situation now didn't seems like it's gonna work >< OMG .. what should i do man !!?? there's dinner tonight again >< "mother's birthday celebration" but then tomorrow is only the real date .. tonight cant study .. tomorrow can't study ... omg .. what should i do .. my head is pounding ><"""" yet , you didn't want to talk to me .. my mood stinks even more >< ARGH !! my head hurts... feel so much like sinking into my bed .. never again need to face those YUCKY stuff :( well, at lease sleeping allows me to escape from it a little while .. my head hurts... i didn't sleep well yesterday ... or i suppose i couldn't sleep .. today is just a bad day ... MUSIC .. might be the only thing that can make me feel a little better .. :)? sigh..

Friday (9.8.13) 2.50am

Hmm .. Time flies , half of my holidays have already gone . I realized I haven been doing much of revision :( all the plans were kept being procrastinated :( Supposedly 3 chapters a day :( but then ... Seems like no hope >< I only did 2 chap of chemistry and that's it .sigh ... Tmr ! Please be good to me :( I had encountered another incident .. We fought again , not exactly argue but then I broke your heart ... By telling you the truth .. By telling you how of a selfish person I am . Due to the guilt of lying to my mother i had done an obligation which was the "way " it is now .. I always disappoint you when im playing a role of a gf . Maybe we don't really meant to be ... Maybe I should really consider letting you go ... Well if u mean this seriously ... As in you think I'd hurt you so much by just using the only way to make my conscience feel a little bit better , I think you had really leave me no choice ... I'll do it .. But what makes it contradicting is that , I know I couldn't .... I couldn't let go of you .... You simply seemed ... Too important ... But what upset me is that you kept emphasizing that you are somewhat a rubbish / some other ugly names that suppose "people " gave you . It's not true ... I don't know how can I make you believe that you actually meant something to me and its definitely not like their horrible description .... Sigh ... Life is just hard ... To be managed... To be always in good condition ><

Just another memorable day :)

it'd been a long time since i last updated my blog. but don't know why i suddenly feel so much like writing here. Recently , i was crazy over this song " irresistible - 1D " well, to be honest i'm not a directioner but this song just make me feel so comfortable just by listening to it. I just came back from lunch and OH MY GOD ! guess what i saw??! hmm, not to say that it's actually a monster that everyone should make a big deal out of it but still omg! he was so amazing ! especially his smile , that big eyes and cute dimples he has on his face! He's seriously a guy that i kinda have some feelings after i met you ... sadly , he kept going onto his phone. perhaps he already has a girlfriend? well, if this is the case then i'd wish him all the best :) but i do believe in fate ,

<3 If you are meant to be , you will be <3

hmm , i guess if we are meant to be , we'll meet again ? and maybe this time i'll get to know his name :) it's gonna make my day (8.8.2o13) a day to be remembered :) it's the first day he and i met and he wore a grey-ish top with the word (ONE PIECE)and a shorts with grey and white stripes it's cute :) he caught my eye and i believe he'd noticed that . if i'm not mistaken i did catch a few glances from him and i think we look into each other's eye for .. a second maybe? that was super mega amazing !i was actually quite happy that he actually adjusted his way of sitting in a way that's half-ly facing me (if i didn't mistook his intention )but.. sadly it didn't last till the end of the meal. when it was 10 minutes before i was about to leave , he turned to face the other side . maybe he'd finally realized that i'm not really that pretty to be looked at or maybe i'm not really that "attractive"? i don't know .. but the funny thing is that crazy thoughts actually flashed across my mind and he really wouldn't wanna know bout it :P that's all i'm gonna comment bout him today.. but let me give him a name ?hmmmm, what about... Mr.cutie pie? haha .. well i think it fits him well :) it's really a sad thing that i couldn't be with you .You might still not know that we technically broke up , i mean not to say i don't love you . I DO! and you should never even questioned it ! but there just seems like there's too much obstacles between us and what makes it worst is your attitude towards this relationship - not appreciative at all... I'd always tried my best to love you and make you feel like you are not alone , but every time my effort sure will be gone and it always ended up in a way that you became emo or sensitive .To me , you truly are important but i don't know whether still i should hold on to it anymore . You have always been very greedy , demanding more when you've already got many . it's like i can never satisfy you .i would'nt say to break up with you instantly .i'll just leave it .. leave you a side .. maybe for just a little while to see how things go.. maybe you'd moved on as well?